Suffocating

How did she fall from grace so quickly? From happiness, bliss and free dom to fear, anxiety and loathing in just a matter of hours.

The eyesight is hazy, she feels panic comming on. "I'm going blind" she thinks. "Blind just like him..." "Then what? do i become bitter and needy also?"

But she is bitter and needy and she knows it. Lack of love and true frienship has brought down harsh reality in floods. Waves of nausea clinging to childhood comforts. Why cling to this life that offers so little?

No home. No love. No career. What would the child think of her looking forward in time? Loser. Wasted loser no goals no ambitions just waiting for someone or something to set her free.

"Take me away. Please."

Gentle Rain

The View:

Courtship, friendship and financial harship all sit in her minds eye awaiting her constant attention. Instead she watches the rain and feels warm inside. Not happy nor sad she just is.

Time to buy more shoes she ponders. For the Mud. Childish glee flashes in her eyes as she plans her trek to the mud with reckless abandon.

Serenity and mud. Ohhh how she pines! Take off the shoes and squelch her toes and dance in the mud. Throw sticks in the stream and watch them race to a windy demise. Heavy dewy drops falling from leaves and plomping in her hair. Let loose let go. No ones watching, no ones commenting, no one here to give a damn just be free! The fantastic fantasy makes her smile from the bottom of her belly.

The waiting is almost over. Rejoice the faery goes home!

The torment begins

The view is hazy, unclear and distressing.

The nightmare reached climax in the furnace of dreams. Too much pressure and no release. Fallen too hard too soon. No love, no chance of reciprocation. Games, anxiety, fear, guilt. Anger.

Her home ruined. Her friendships never the same. Time to escape.

Exit stage left even. But how?